Well, folks, buckle up because I’ve just encountered something truly spectacular. It’s so spectacular, in fact, that I’m questioning my entire existence. I’m not sure if it’s a stroke of genius or just a caffeine overdose manifesting in digital form, but either way, I’m sharing it with you all. Get ready to behold!
Sally by Thuddleston
Behold, Sally! I’m not entirely sure *what* Sally is, but I’m fairly certain I’ve seen her lurking in the back of my refrigerator after a particularly long week. She has that “I’ve been watching you eat that entire pizza” kind of vibe. Maybe she’s a sentient cheese mold? The possibilities are endless! One thing’s for sure, she’s judging my life choices… and probably yours too.
Inspired by the majestic Sally, I’ve decided to provide a recipe. A recipe for what, you ask? Well, survival, of course! Survival in a world where Sally exists. You’ll need all the strength and resilience you can muster, and that starts with a good, hearty (and slightly weird) meal. Think of it as a culinary tribute to the enigmatic Sally.
Ingredients for “Sally’s Survival Stew”
- 1 can of mystery meat (seriously, anything goes!)
- Half an onion, the older and sadder the better
- 3 cloves of garlic, because garlic wards off evil (and questionable fridge inhabitants)
- 1 cup of leftover coffee (the colder, the better)
- 1/4 cup of pickle juice (for that extra *zing*)
- A handful of wilted spinach (because you should probably eat something green)
- 1 bay leaf (because it sounds fancy)
- Salt and pepper to taste (mostly pepper, for courage)
Instructions for “Sally’s Survival Stew”
- In a pot, combine all ingredients. Don’t bother being precise; Sally wouldn’t approve of precision.
- Bring to a boil over medium heat, then reduce heat and simmer for at least 30 minutes. The longer it simmers, the more… developed… the flavor becomes.
- Stir occasionally, while chanting a protective incantation (optional, but highly recommended).
- Taste. If it tastes like impending doom, you’re on the right track!
- Serve immediately. Preferably with a side of existential dread.
- Eat slowly and contemplate the mysteries of the universe… and what exactly is lurking in your own refrigerator.
And there you have it! “Sally’s Survival Stew,” a dish so bizarre, so unconventional, so utterly… Sally-esque, that it will prepare you for anything. May your days be filled with wonder, and may your refrigerators be free of sentient cheese molds. Bon appétit! Or… something like that.
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